Seventeen years ago my son, among many other precious little ones, was a 9/11 baby. Born the day after on the 12th..he is nonetheless a 9/11 baby in my heart.
I woke up the morning of the 11th with “pregnant” anticipation. Stubbornly my first child was in breach presentation and despite a failed attempt at rotating him in my belly, I had a scheduled c- section the next day. Home by myself, I commenced my morning routine of waffles and Good Morning America. But the morning was anything but routine.
Horrified, I watched as the 2nd tower fell. At the moment we didn’t understand the magnitude of the attacks. As the morning unfolded, I was left to grabble with the reality of becoming a mother-bringing a son into a world that was under a haze of palpable uncertainty and evil.
Unsure if it was ok to be happy and unsure of what our tomorrows would bring-Caleb was brought into the world with little episode. It was perfect and so was he. We brought him home and christened him with a trip to Menards (why not right?). Then as night fell, I rocked him in his room in awe of the gift I was given. Overwhelmed with a love I had never felt so deeply. Then fear set in.
The “what if’s” fell. What if we are attacked again, this time closer to home? What if I fail to protect him? What if chaos increases? The weight of responsibility was suffocating as I knew there were some things I could not control.
Then Jesus fell. His spirit enveloped me and this sweet presence filled my heart and spoke truth. “But Chere, I love him more”. The Creator of the universe loved Caleb more than I ever could. His plans were greater than mine. His protection greater than mine.
My heart fell in reverence to Jesus as He would choose to touch my heart and speak truth that would bring peace. I can trust to rest in that truth. I have no reason to fear.
Fast forward 17 years and I have a sweet young man for a son that seeks adventure and wants to drive his truck and jump his mountain bikes! All recipes for fret! Fear sneaks in….. I fear that which I can’t control. I fear what I don’t know.
Turn you to the strong hold, you prisoners of hope: even today do I declare that I will render double to you; Zechariah 9:12
Then today I remembered the simple truth that carried me through post 9/11. We don’t know the future, but we can know that God’s objectives are for good and we are loved. I can trust that love to work things out for good and for His purposes and ultimately Caleb’s. (Romans 8:28) I love that Zechariah 9:12 (oddly found) echos the truth we only need to turn to Jesus, our fortress for he promises two fold. Fear then melts in the presence of this truth.
Happy Birthday Caleb! I’m so blessed to know that in addition to your parent’s love and prayers, you serve a Creator that loves you more than we ever could. Our pride in you is a mere shadow to the esteem your Redeemer has in you. May that give you courage to live your dreams and do big things.