My first year a nurse I didn’t cope well.  Still today, the  occasional nightmare visits me. I dream about  missing assessments and drugs not passed in time and I haven’t been a floor nurse in 12 years!    I’m happy to say things did get better but that inaugural year was tough. Awash with anxiety,  I really couldn’t put my finger on the one thing making bonkers. Overwhelmed with what was expected of me and what I expected of me- I dreaded going to work.  I’m embarrassed to say, I called in to my supervisor many times stating I was sick and wouldn’t be working because I could not deal.

So you can imagine how things went with my first code.  The hours of 7p-9p are a busy time on most nursing units.  That night I was hustling. Attempting to assess and  introduce myself to all 10-12 of my patients, field phone calls, review the drugs and administer them on time and make sure I had working IV’s.  Despite the pace,  I felt I was starting to get the hang of things. Life, however,  was about to play a cruel trick.  
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Recently home for a few days, I woke up early and wandered around the house.  Memories of the past peaked out from every corner.   It is special to return home-to your childhood spaces.   There is the one heater vent tucked behind the couch that my brother and I would rush to warm ourselves by in the morning-him always beating me out.  The little spiders I engraved on the wall while talking on the phone for hours.  The closet that I knew was the perfect hiding place.  The creepy room, I still don’t like to go in.  Then there are the key holes that are big enough to watch mom wrap our gifts through. Continue reading →